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wpid-photo-2013-06-10-14-30.jpg For the multitude of mess ups that I’ve had in my life, one would think that I would remember that after a mess up is usually a time of great progress. This last week is no exception.

After possibly pushing too hard on Sara the other night (and getting over the idea of throwing in the towel on this project) I decided to do very small, informal lessons to get back on track. My first lesson was showing Sara an “art project” that I did (until the wee hours of the morning) – it’s the picture on this blog post, not sure the name but I call it a 10 square. We counted the pinks and greens and that was it.

I made the thing because I found it on some Montessori math sites and it looked pretty cool. Afterward I realized that I wasn’t exactly sure what to teach with it. After fiddling a little while I decided that she needs to recite every column – 0+10 =10, 1+9=10, 2+8=10, etc. I suppose a few nights of that will help with memorization of those combinations.

Next lesson I learned a cool technique from my business partner on math memorization. Take 3 or 4 flash cards and put them in a “daily” folder. Do these flash cards every day, multiple times. After a week, put them in the “weekly” folder and put new flash cards in the daily folder. Once a week review the old flash cards – then after a month of that, put the original set in the “monthly” folder.

What an amazing technique so far. I started with a couple basic and a couple problems that she was having to figure every time she saw them..3+4 and 6+4. After 3 days (2-3 times a day), she just remembers them – bam….memorization 101.

So Sara is back on track but she hasn’t earned her build-a-bear back yet. She needs to do some extra help with math for that to happen. That’s were my biggest joy to date has been.

The extra work is helping Sophia (3 years old), with her math. We are learning numbers, shapes, colors and basic addition. I had Sara help me with a lesson on Friday, I showed her what we were going to teach and let her go. I coached her along the way making sure she gave lots of positive reinforcement and wasn’t too much of a perfectionist on some of the lessons.

Sara was so proud of herself and excited about being the teacher. Tonight after her lesson she asked what Sophia’s lesson was going to be tonight so she could prepare for it.

I know that I quoted this scripture in the last entry but, as with many scriptures, it’s meaning changes with perspective, today we rejoice in hope;

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation and be constant in prayer (Romans 12:12)

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This blog series is one daddy’s efforts to teach his 7 year old 1st and 2nd grade math; the victories and defeats, trials and tribulations, success and failures. It’s not easy to share the fails but we have to keep it real.

I’d been traveling for business for a couple days and came home late last night. At 2 am Melissa woke me up to say that she had to take Sara to the emergency room because of an asthma issue. They got home around 4.

Tonight after work I figured we better get back on track with math so we were going to do a few minute lesson. Well, Sara wouldn’t have anything to do with it. Sara is particularly sensitive and emotional and when she doesn’t want anything to do with something, hell or high water won’t make her do it.

So what do I do? I could let her slide and start again or remind her of our contract and she isn’t to fuss about lessons. This is something I struggle with constantly – when do you reach the point of no return on enforcement? If I ask Sara to do something and she pushes back, at what point is it ok to say it’s not worth battling (not past the point of no return) and to engage and make sure that she respects what I ask her to do?

Well today I thought that asking Sara a couple times to do a math lesson was past the point of no return, so I engaged. I didn’t get angry or physical with her, I reminded her of our contract and that she agreed to do lessons every day without a fuss. I gave her multiple times to compose herself then she got the count down from 3…2….1. Ok, you broke the contract and now you don’t get your build-a-bear.

You can imagine the drama that followed.

Trying to teach is a humbling experience. You want them to learn new things but not nuke them with too much, enforce rules but don’t cause harm. You want them to love learning – but how/where does discipline fit in?

Did I cause harm? I’m not sure. Am I trying to teach too much with contracts (and breach thereof) and other big lessons for little people? Again, I’m not sure. What I am sure of is that we are both learning during this summer experiment and hopefully we will both be wiser when it’s over.

So now we tenkan (pivot and turn) and go in a new direction.

I’ve spent the evening researching teaching methods, praying and making new, more artsy math toys for tomorrow. For tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation and be constant in prayer (Romans 12:12)

Last weekend a local bicycle store had their annual tent sale. The whole family was excited to go and see what treasures we could find. Sara tried out bikes of all sizes and styles, riding around the store with a huge smile on her face “Daddy look at me,” “Mommy, see what I can do!”

When she began to get tired, I found a new style of child attachment for an adult bike. So I had Sara sit in it as I pulled her around; she loved it. Unfortunately, the attachment wasn’t very stable and as my hands became sweaty and tired, the fun become a little dangerous and not fun for me. So I told Sara the ride was over. She really wanted to go for a little longer but I couldn’t; she proceeded to have a little melt down.

Trying to put Sara in her car seat – problems, when she got in her seat she messed with her sister.

Few things are more frustrating to me as a parent then realizing that words can have absolutely no effect on a child’s actions. Direct commands, threats, pleads, nothing will change the behavior of the child. As an adult we can’t be overly physical with them, so what do we do? This is really hard…but, we put them in a safe place, and take a minute alone.

We figured she was tired from all the fun or hungry. We got home and tried to relax and get some food, but Sara was still acting out.

After a while, Sara and I were alone in the kitchen and i was able to engage her in a conversation. I said “you had a rough time at the bike store today, what happened.” Without hesitation she said “I really wanted to keep riding in that bike seat.” So I asked her if that was why she was so upset in the car and at home, she said “yes.” So I explained to her why it wasn’t safe for daddy to keep doing it and why I had to stop.

She didn’t say much but it felt really good to be able to communicate with her and understand that Sara can have a hard time letting things go. When we were in the peace after the war, it would have been easy to say “Whew, we made it through and everything is good again.” But I believe that talking about the war during the peaceful time brings you closer together and helps me as a parent understand my child better.

As I’m reveling in my breakthrough and appreciating the new closeness to Sara, she decides to test me. I had to switch from buddies to disciplinarian in a split second. While it would have been easy to not make the switch and let it go, I believe that Sara was seeing if she had found a weak spot in daddy. The reason I could switch and not over react is because there was no residue from the initial incident.

Children can be persistent in their quest to wear-down their parents; residue from tribulations will build up unless it’s constructively released. During times of peace, talk about the war; release the residue for the next battle.

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