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After months of prayer and fasting for a new home, God has delivered us to a safe place where we can live, work and worship. So, today we give thanks (thanksgiving) to God for safe travels to our new home in Holland.
Teaching lesson: there wasn’t just one Thanksgiving. In Christianity there is a cycle of prayer and fasting for a solution, when God delivers the solution we then give thanks aka thanksgiving…and we don’t eat turkey at every thanksgiving!
Scooby, England 1607, the house of William Bradford. I, William Bradford, will henceforth be your narrator of the trials, tribulations and victories of the Puritan voyage to America.
King James has decreed that everyone in England must attend his church (the Church of England). While we think that the Church of England is fine, it’s not the way that we want to worship God. So we are going to meet at my house on the Sabbath for worship.
This week is Spring Break for our girls. With Sara missing over two months of school this year due to illness, we are doing a mini-intensive home schooling this week. In preparation, I created a Goal List; a list of activities that we need to accomplish by the end of the week. There is a lot to do, so we really don’t have much time to waste; but we don’t want to feel rushed or overwhelmed either.
As I put together lesson plans, organized materials, planned how (and when) to do the lessons, I can’t help but remember the amazing time that Sara and I had last year in summer school. How she went from really not ready for second grade to quite capable in second grade in a few months. With summer just a few short months away, I look forward with eager anticipation to summer school 2014. As an extra inspiration, when we began doing our lessons, Sara said “this is what we do during the summer (not spring break).” I love that she connected our lessons with summer.
This year, unlike last, I have a good idea of the objectives, curriculum and methods. If we can make good progress quickly, I have some special lessons that I’m dying to teach.
Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established. Proverbs 16:3
For the multitude of mess ups that I’ve had in my life, one would think that I would remember that after a mess up is usually a time of great progress. This last week is no exception.
After possibly pushing too hard on Sara the other night (and getting over the idea of throwing in the towel on this project) I decided to do very small, informal lessons to get back on track. My first lesson was showing Sara an “art project” that I did (until the wee hours of the morning) – it’s the picture on this blog post, not sure the name but I call it a 10 square. We counted the pinks and greens and that was it.
I made the thing because I found it on some Montessori math sites and it looked pretty cool. Afterward I realized that I wasn’t exactly sure what to teach with it. After fiddling a little while I decided that she needs to recite every column – 0+10 =10, 1+9=10, 2+8=10, etc. I suppose a few nights of that will help with memorization of those combinations.
Next lesson I learned a cool technique from my business partner on math memorization. Take 3 or 4 flash cards and put them in a “daily” folder. Do these flash cards every day, multiple times. After a week, put them in the “weekly” folder and put new flash cards in the daily folder. Once a week review the old flash cards – then after a month of that, put the original set in the “monthly” folder.
What an amazing technique so far. I started with a couple basic and a couple problems that she was having to figure every time she saw them..3+4 and 6+4. After 3 days (2-3 times a day), she just remembers them – bam….memorization 101.
So Sara is back on track but she hasn’t earned her build-a-bear back yet. She needs to do some extra help with math for that to happen. That’s were my biggest joy to date has been.
The extra work is helping Sophia (3 years old), with her math. We are learning numbers, shapes, colors and basic addition. I had Sara help me with a lesson on Friday, I showed her what we were going to teach and let her go. I coached her along the way making sure she gave lots of positive reinforcement and wasn’t too much of a perfectionist on some of the lessons.
Sara was so proud of herself and excited about being the teacher. Tonight after her lesson she asked what Sophia’s lesson was going to be tonight so she could prepare for it.
I know that I quoted this scripture in the last entry but, as with many scriptures, it’s meaning changes with perspective, today we rejoice in hope;
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation and be constant in prayer (Romans 12:12)
This blog series is one daddy’s efforts to teach his 7 year old 1st and 2nd grade math; the victories and defeats, trials and tribulations, success and failures. It’s not easy to share the fails but we have to keep it real.
I’d been traveling for business for a couple days and came home late last night. At 2 am Melissa woke me up to say that she had to take Sara to the emergency room because of an asthma issue. They got home around 4.
Tonight after work I figured we better get back on track with math so we were going to do a few minute lesson. Well, Sara wouldn’t have anything to do with it. Sara is particularly sensitive and emotional and when she doesn’t want anything to do with something, hell or high water won’t make her do it.
So what do I do? I could let her slide and start again or remind her of our contract and she isn’t to fuss about lessons. This is something I struggle with constantly – when do you reach the point of no return on enforcement? If I ask Sara to do something and she pushes back, at what point is it ok to say it’s not worth battling (not past the point of no return) and to engage and make sure that she respects what I ask her to do?
Well today I thought that asking Sara a couple times to do a math lesson was past the point of no return, so I engaged. I didn’t get angry or physical with her, I reminded her of our contract and that she agreed to do lessons every day without a fuss. I gave her multiple times to compose herself then she got the count down from 3…2….1. Ok, you broke the contract and now you don’t get your build-a-bear.
You can imagine the drama that followed.
Trying to teach is a humbling experience. You want them to learn new things but not nuke them with too much, enforce rules but don’t cause harm. You want them to love learning – but how/where does discipline fit in?
Did I cause harm? I’m not sure. Am I trying to teach too much with contracts (and breach thereof) and other big lessons for little people? Again, I’m not sure. What I am sure of is that we are both learning during this summer experiment and hopefully we will both be wiser when it’s over.
So now we tenkan (pivot and turn) and go in a new direction.
I’ve spent the evening researching teaching methods, praying and making new, more artsy math toys for tomorrow. For tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity.
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation and be constant in prayer (Romans 12:12)
Sophia is going through the trauma of teething and therefore has a hard time sleeping at night. This morning I woke up and she was in bed with me snuggled up to me holding my arm like it was a teddy bear.
Few things are more perfect and beautiful than a sleeping baby. When you are a “daddy teddy bear” to one of these little angels …….
In the 70’s there was an animated sitcom called “Wait Till Your Father Gets Home.” The cartoon revolved around the generational gap between a conservative father and his liberal and sometimes lazy children. When the father got home from work, he was usually confronted with the issue of the day and was asked to discipline the children (thus the name of the show).
Yesterday I got a call from Melissa that the girls were making her crazy – Sophia teething and Sara just tired and grouchy. I couldn’t really be much consolation from work but on my commute home I got the answer; “Attack in all directions.”
When I got home and showed my affection to everyone, Sara and I went up to Melissa and my room to “hide from mommy.” I wanted to know from her perspective what happened; so I said “did you have a difficult day today?” So my little 3.5 year old proceeded to tell me about things that were bothering her, that she and mommy were grouchy to each other, that she was mad because of this and that, etc.
I never know an open ended question to a 3.5 year old could get such a response. So I tried to help her get a new perspective on things that made her mad.
Remembering that I as a daddy am coming home to a foreign culture (see A Stranger Among Us, When Cultures Collide), it is important for me to remember to respect everyone and not judge based on limited information. It would have been easy to come home on my high horse and fix the problem, i.e. discipline Sara. But I made my one and only goal: To have Sara feel comfortable talking to me about anything, knowing she won’t be preached to, judged or punished.
While my advice to her probably wasn’t exactly “right” for the specific situation of the day, it didn’t matter. Sara and I became closer and our communication became better because of how I approached it (we’ll call it substance over form). In the foundational years, I believe this to be more important than being “right” or showing my strength and power over her.
In the evening Melissa and I talked about what happened. Being a praying man, I prayed for Melissa; to have calm in the storm and authority over our house and children. After everyone went to bed, I went into the girls room to pray for peace and rest.
As an visitor to the culture that Melissa and the girls have during the day, respect for everyone is first and foremost. Discipline doesn’t come from an action (spanking, yelling, punishing), it comes from a child’s respect for their parents and is influenced from a long, consistent pattern of parents respect for their children.
Attack in all directions = help guide Sara, talk to Melissa & encourage and pray in the spiritual world for future peace.
Melissa was 20 months pregnant with Sara when we anxiously went to get our first ultrasound. With amazement we watched the technician show the various parts of Sara’s forming body. As the exam when on, the technician didn’t talk quite so much and became much more reserved. Soon she left for a minute and came back with a doctor. When the doctor took over the exam, we knew something wasn’t quite right. The doctor eventually said that the baby had markers that indicated spina bifida. As first time parents, we were absolutely beside ourselves with fear and concern for our little baby. Our hopes and dreams of bikes and skis were lost to thoughts wheelchairs and crutches.
As it turns out, Sara didn’t have spina bifida, she was physically perfect. However, she does have sensory issues – basically she relies on Melissa to be her central nervous system. When things are stressful for Sara like being in a new location, meeting new people, loud places, etc., Sara can’t calm herself by herself. As you can image, this puts a huge strain on Melissa. If someone were to watch Sara they would probably say that we are spoiling her because we let her get away with being clingy and dependent on Melissa.
When Sara was around one year old, we tried to let her cry it out one night, the next day she wasn’t quite right, more distant and seemingly less trustful of us. On this, we decided to parent with our hearts and not the books and never did that to her again.
As we have gone to various therapists to help Sara, every doctor we have talked to said that if we would have made Sara “work it out” on her own, that she would have been a “train wreck” as an older child. She needed more time and loving care to be emotionally ready to handle the stresses of life. One of the doctors said that we need to baby our baby so that we don’t need to baby and adult. That phrase stuck with us and gave us the courage to measure Sara with a different yard stick than other children.
Over the past few years we have seen gradual and steady positive improvement and maturity in Sara. If we would have tried to measure Sara against other children her age or against most child rearing books, we would have thought that Sara (and we as parents) were falling behind. However, if we measure Sara against someone with spina bifida, then we realize that she is developing wonderfully and we thank God every day that she is so perfect and normal.
As parents we only have one chance to give our children a foundation; as they grow, the foundation will determine their emotional and physical well being for the rest of their lives. Measure your child on where they are today vs where they were before, not where other children are in their development.
As a daddy there are some moments that fill you with overwhelming joy.
Recently we’ve had a hard time putting the two girls to bed at the same time. So, while Melissa put Sara to bed my job was to watch Sophia. I found that by holding Sophia, turning down the lights and turning on Nora Jones that Sophia would relax and eventually pass out in my arms. There are few moments more overflowing with love than when you hold a sleeping angel.
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much
bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough “Hello’s” to get you through the final “Goodbye
A poem by Bob Perks
Daddy's Daze 
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