images-4In the 70’s there was an animated sitcom called “Wait Till Your Father Gets Home.” The cartoon revolved around the generational gap between a conservative father and his liberal and sometimes lazy children. When the father got home from work, he was usually confronted with the issue of the day and was asked to discipline the children (thus the name of the show).

Yesterday I got a call from Melissa that the girls were making her crazy – Sophia teething and Sara just tired and grouchy. I couldn’t really be much consolation from work but on my commute home I got the answer; “Attack in all directions.”

When I got home and showed my affection to everyone, Sara and I went up to Melissa and my room to “hide from mommy.” I wanted to know from her perspective what happened; so I said “did you have a difficult day today?” So my little 3.5 year old proceeded to tell me about things that were bothering her, that she and mommy were grouchy to each other, that she was mad because of this and that, etc.

I never know an open ended question to a 3.5 year old could get such a response. So I tried to help her get a new perspective on things that made her mad.

Remembering that I as a daddy am coming home to a foreign culture (see A Stranger Among Us, When Cultures Collide), it is important for me to remember to respect everyone and not judge based on limited information. It would have been easy to come home on my high horse and fix the problem, i.e. discipline Sara.  But I made my one and only goal: To have Sara feel comfortable talking to me about anything, knowing she won’t be preached to, judged or punished.

While my advice to her probably wasn’t exactly “right” for the specific situation of the day, it didn’t matter. Sara and I became closer and our communication became better because of how I approached it (we’ll call it substance over form). In the foundational years, I believe this to be more important than being “right” or showing my strength and power over her.

In the evening Melissa and I talked about what happened. Being a praying man, I prayed for Melissa; to have calm in the storm and authority over our house and children. After everyone went to bed, I went into the girls room to pray for peace and rest.

As an visitor to the culture that Melissa and the girls have during the day, respect for everyone is first and foremost. Discipline doesn’t come from an action (spanking, yelling, punishing), it comes from a child’s respect for their parents and is influenced from a long, consistent pattern of parents respect for their children.

Attack in all directions = help guide Sara, talk to Melissa & encourage and pray in the spiritual world for future peace.