Melissa was 20 months pregnant with Sara when we anxiously went to get our first ultrasound. With amazement we watched the technician show the various parts of Sara’s forming body. As the exam when on, the technician didn’t talk quite so much and became much more reserved. Soon she left for a minute and came back with a doctor. When the doctor took over the exam, we knew something wasn’t quite right. The doctor eventually said that the baby had markers that indicated spina bifida. As first time parents, we were absolutely beside ourselves with fear and concern for our little baby. Our hopes and dreams of bikes and skis were lost to thoughts wheelchairs and crutches.

As it turns out, Sara didn’t have spina bifida, she was physically perfect. However, she does have sensory issues – basically she relies on Melissa to be her central nervous system. When things are stressful for Sara like being in a new location, meeting new people, loud places, etc., Sara can’t calm herself by herself. As you can image, this puts a huge strain on Melissa. If someone were to watch Sara they would probably say that we are spoiling her because we let her get away with being clingy and dependent on Melissa.

When Sara was around one year old, we tried to let her cry it out one night, the next day she wasn’t quite right, more distant and seemingly less trustful of us. On this, we decided to parent with our hearts and not the books and never did that to her again.

As we have gone to various therapists to help Sara, every doctor we have talked to said that if we would have made Sara “work it out” on her own, that she would have been a “train wreck” as an older child. She needed more time and loving care to be emotionally ready to handle the stresses of life. One of the doctors said that we need to baby our baby so that we don’t need to baby and adult. That phrase stuck with us and gave us the courage to measure Sara with a different yard stick than other children.

Over the past few years we have seen gradual and steady positive improvement and maturity in Sara. If we would have tried to measure Sara against other children her age or against most child rearing books, we would have thought that Sara (and we as parents) were falling behind. However, if we measure Sara against someone with spina bifida, then we realize that she is developing wonderfully and we thank God every day that she is so perfect and normal.

As parents we only have one chance to give our children a foundation; as they grow, the foundation will determine their emotional and physical well being for the rest of their lives. Measure your child on where they are today vs where they were before, not where other children are in their development.