Last weekend a local bicycle store had their annual tent sale. The whole family was excited to go and see what treasures we could find. Sara tried out bikes of all sizes and styles, riding around the store with a huge smile on her face “Daddy look at me,” “Mommy, see what I can do!”

When she began to get tired, I found a new style of child attachment for an adult bike. So I had Sara sit in it as I pulled her around; she loved it. Unfortunately, the attachment wasn’t very stable and as my hands became sweaty and tired, the fun become a little dangerous and not fun for me. So I told Sara the ride was over. She really wanted to go for a little longer but I couldn’t; she proceeded to have a little melt down.

Trying to put Sara in her car seat – problems, when she got in her seat she messed with her sister.

Few things are more frustrating to me as a parent then realizing that words can have absolutely no effect on a child’s actions. Direct commands, threats, pleads, nothing will change the behavior of the child. As an adult we can’t be overly physical with them, so what do we do? This is really hard…but, we put them in a safe place, and take a minute alone.

We figured she was tired from all the fun or hungry. We got home and tried to relax and get some food, but Sara was still acting out.

After a while, Sara and I were alone in the kitchen and i was able to engage her in a conversation. I said “you had a rough time at the bike store today, what happened.” Without hesitation she said “I really wanted to keep riding in that bike seat.” So I asked her if that was why she was so upset in the car and at home, she said “yes.” So I explained to her why it wasn’t safe for daddy to keep doing it and why I had to stop.

She didn’t say much but it felt really good to be able to communicate with her and understand that Sara can have a hard time letting things go. When we were in the peace after the war, it would have been easy to say “Whew, we made it through and everything is good again.” But I believe that talking about the war during the peaceful time brings you closer together and helps me as a parent understand my child better.

As I’m reveling in my breakthrough and appreciating the new closeness to Sara, she decides to test me. I had to switch from buddies to disciplinarian in a split second. While it would have been easy to not make the switch and let it go, I believe that Sara was seeing if she had found a weak spot in daddy. The reason I could switch and not over react is because there was no residue from the initial incident.

Children can be persistent in their quest to wear-down their parents; residue from tribulations will build up unless it’s constructively released. During times of peace, talk about the war; release the residue for the next battle.